I Am A Patriot

I don't like anyone with inquiries

Because only idiots ask questions

But I like being spied on all the time

Since someone is at least looking at me

Other countries have nothing on us

Our crime rates are higher and so are the birth rates

Told you this nation is number one!

Since I can't count higher than that

But who needs to with our great technology

Land of the iPhones, home of the faster faster faster connections

I think I'll divorce my wife and have unnecessary sex

It's fine as long as it's not homosexual, eww

Everything must be done my way because that's freedom

So I salute the American flag with a smile

All red, white, and blue like the battered lower class

(fuck em!)

Slasher Flick For Barnyard Animals

Listen to my voice, oh brainless wanderers

It can turn the driest landfill to the dampest marsh

Watch me swim until the sun explodes a thousand times

Can never be hot as the god of all trades

I'm so sexy and alive turning to ash before your eyes

That Mirror In Your Pocket Would Look Better On My Bedroom Floor

Hey baby, do you come here often? Why lean against that bar when you can be leaning on me instead? Allow me to introduce myself. I'm the Alpha Male weaned on the devil's breast. Don't bother speaking. Your mouth is only useful for giving me a merciful drought. I can tell you're an Epsilon Female. Jesus, you're not even blonde. Let's call a cab and we can go to my place. Shed that revealing skin, girl! Show me your assets and we can discuss a business merger in the waking hours. Dating? No way. That “love” thing is worthless when we have flesh. Let's make MTV proud. You can pay for the morning after. Not my problem. Never call me. I can't hear you when you're so far down on the knees. It must have hurt when you fell from Heaven but it will hurt more when I kick that tight ass out my door.